4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Get Bangs. Again.

Recently, I’ve started to notice the itch that women start to experience. Not the baby itch or the wedding itch. The bangs itch. That feeling when you start to think that maybe it’s time to try bangs again, even though you just finished growing them out from the last time. This feeling is apparently not uncommon. Kristen Bell’s husband Dax Shepard once tweeted, “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to “get bangs” every other month.” Maybe it is a man’s job to do so, but sometimes men don’t do their job, and sometimes they’re powerless against the bangs itch, and sometimes you’re single. What is a woman to do when she doesn’t have a man around to stop her from getting bangs? Well, I’m glad you asked. This pre-bangs questionnaire that will, if answered honestly, reveal whether you should get bangs again, or at the very least delay you from getting them for the five minutes it takes to read this questionnaire. 1. Did I like my bangs when I had them before? This seems like a pretty duh question, but when it comes to hair, people throw logic and common sense out the window. That’s the only way I can explain the fact that you went fully blonde twice, or that you continue to bring me pictures of Gisele to your highlighting appointments. If you liked bangs before, you’ll probably like them again. If you hated bangs before, you’ll probably hate them again. Or as this commonly misattributed “Einstein” quote says: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. 2. So why did I grow them out? If the answer is that your hair is fine, dark, and greasy and having bangs meant that I had to shampoo it every day, and no, it was not a dry-shampoo situation. 3. Has there been some change wherein the reason you grew out your bangs is no longer relevant? If the case is no and the texture of your hair has not changed appreciably since the last time you had bangs, your case may be different. Maybe you grew your bangs out because your boyfriend hated them and now he’s dead (OK, or doing a Ph.D. program in Seattle or whatever), in which case, cut away! 4. Is it April, May, June, July, or August? If you answered yes, then no, you should not get bangs. Bangs can be a rough transition—is that what your face looks like when you put it in a little hair frame?—but they can be a really rough transition if they’re sticking to your forehead like wet-dog hair because the humidity is at 90 percent or after a work-out. (No, this isn’t an issue in April or May unless you live in hell or Florida, but cutting bangs in April does NOT give you enough time to grow them out by July.) At this point, you hopefully know whether you actually want bangs again, but if you still don’t know, ask your boyfriend or husband or any man on the street and they will probably tell you.